tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-60454939712364734192024-03-18T20:05:14.405-07:00The Sunburned ZebrasThe Trials And Tribulations Of The Sunburned Zebras 5-A-Side Football TeamUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger40125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6045493971236473419.post-51524866198727005442010-02-08T06:50:00.000-08:002010-02-08T07:27:11.716-08:00Report - Could Do Better.....<div align="justify"><strong><span style="color:#ff99ff;">Freemisco: An ever-present in the team, Freemisco enjoyed some fine moments, setting up a number of goals for the opposition with some precise passes and also burying a number of goals in the back of his own net.</span></strong></div><div align="justify"><strong><span style="color:#ff99ff;">He recovered from a poor start to win a number of important tackles over the closing weeks of the season and after misplacing his shooting boots for a number of games, he bounced back with a bang in the season finale. Despite that he scored a lot fewer goals than he should have done and was often rubbish in front of goal.</span></strong></div><div align="justify"><strong><span style="color:#ff99ff;">The player manager used some curious tactics - at one point he appeared to be trying to play off side - and often used his players in their wrong positions but overall his willingness to pay the money, wash the kit, drive the coach ensured that he retains his job for another year.</span></strong></div><div align="justify"><strong><span style="color:#ff99ff;">Magic Moment: Last-gasp equaliser in 4-4 draw.</span></strong></div><div align="justify"><strong><span style="color:#ff99ff;">Not-so-magic Moment: Breaking a 6-6 deadlock by driving the crucial goal into his own net and claiming he was trying to be cunning. Cunning stunt....</span></strong></div><div align="justify"><strong><span style="color:#ff99ff;">Grade: C+</span></strong></div><div align="justify"> </div><div align="justify"><strong>Paildo: It was a tough season for the Man who would be Pele, as he struggled to make an impression. He did not help his cause by regularly making himself unavailable to go and watch Luton Town. Luton Town made themselves unpopular by not playing every Tuesday night and thereby allowing Paildo to make himself avialable.</strong></div><div align="justify"><strong>The breaks did not go for Paildo - even though he caused Ricadisco's finger to be broken due to his lack of touch - and he struggled to find the net on a regular basis. Actually he struggled to find the net at all and failed to score in 2010.</strong></div><div align="justify"><strong>However, he always did his best - even when he was being criticised by Freemisco for not trying - and produced a storming performance in the 4-4 draw.</strong></div><div align="justify"><strong>Magic Moment: Losing the ball in the snow.</strong></div><div align="justify"><strong>Not-so-magic-moment: The inch perfect back pass that set up the opening goal for the opposition. Breaking Ricadisco' sfinger - but not badly enough that he couldn't type....</strong></div><div align="justify"><strong>Grade: D++</strong></div><div align="justify"> </div><div align="justify"><strong><span style="color:#ff99ff;">Latinaldo: Gave everything for the cause, routinely sacrificing his body in a forlorn bid to stem the tide. Apart from a couple of brief appearances in goal where he dived out of the way at every opportunity, evidently protecting his hands like a petrified schoolgirl, Latinaldo enjoyed a storming season on the pitch.</span></strong></div><div align="justify"><strong><span style="color:#ff99ff;">He scored some fine long-range efforts and might have had a hat trick on one occasion had greed not got the better of him.</span></strong></div><div align="justify"><strong><span style="color:#ff99ff;">His real value was at the back where he made plenty of goal-saving tackles, roaring into the challenge like his favourite player Gary Neville. Despite his dodgy knees, aching back and myriad other ailments and injuries, he rarely gave less than his all for the cause, even when he found himself exposed at the back and lit up like a Christmas tree.</span></strong></div><div align="justify"><strong><span style="color:#ff99ff;">Magic Moment: Firing home from the halfway line.</span></strong></div><div align="justify"><strong><span style="color:#ff99ff;">Not-so-magic Moment: Making Freemisco cry by not lending him hid gloves.</span></strong></div><div align="justify"><strong><span style="color:#ff99ff;">Grade: B</span></strong></div><div align="justify"> </div><div align="justify"><strong>Tattersao: Generally rose above the wreckage and showed signs that he could actually play the game - in other words he betrayed his teammates by exposing their incompetence.</strong></div><div align="justify"><strong>Magic Moment: More than most.</strong></div><div align="justify"><strong>Not-so-magic Moment: Signing for another team. Judas.</strong></div><div align="justify"><strong>Grade: B+</strong></div><div align="justify"><strong></strong> </div><div align="justify"><strong><span style="color:#ff99ff;">Bexfieto: The Own Goal Scorer in Chief was a menace whenever he found himself on the ball. Over the course of the season Bexfieto managed to deflect, nudge, curl and slice more balls into his own net than any single striker managed. Considering he often failed to turn up this was a fine achievement. He was even more of a liability in defence than Frank Sinclair - Frank Spencer was nearer the mark.</span></strong></div><div align="justify"><strong><span style="color:#ff99ff;">Bexfieto would often beat two players and then concede a free kick by launching a speculative shot on goal that soared high and wide. He would then shout at himself. This was funny. Although not quite as funny as when he shouted at Freemisco.</span></strong></div><div align="justify"><strong><span style="color:#ff99ff;">Magic Moment: Storming out after discovering we were playing Barnfield.</span></strong></div><div align="justify"><strong><span style="color:#ff99ff;">Not-so-magic Moment: Scoring two own goals and gifting at least three more in his role of Santa Claus in the pre-xmas win.</span></strong></div><div align="justify"><strong><span style="color:#ff99ff;">Grade: D</span></strong></div><div align="justify"><strong><span style="color:#ff99ff;"></span></strong> </div><div align="justify"><strong><span style="color:#000000;">Reito: No player in history has hit the post more times. Reito seemed to specialise in bouncing the ball off the frame of the goal rather than hitting the net. Despite that he enjoyed a strong season and regularly scored the goals that helped the Zebras avoid total humiliation.</span></strong></div><div align="justify"><strong>Magic Moment: Hitting the post four times in one match.</strong></div><div align="justify"><strong>Not-so-magic Moment: Sacrificing his record of always turning up on account of snow.</strong></div><div align="justify"><strong>Grade: B+</strong></div><div align="justify"><strong></strong> </div><div align="justify"><strong><span style="color:#ff99ff;">Austisco: On his day he showed why he once had a trial in Manchester (probably for impersonating a striker). Austisco regularly stormed through on goal and shot straight at the keeper. He also performed some nice tricks at the back, occasionally gifting the ball to the opposition and always accepting the blame. He did his best to calm Bexfieto at critical moments. Overall he did a fine job for the Zebras - when he wasn't busy cementing his place as one of England's premier fives players - and invariably enhance his value to the team by always offering to buy the drinks.</span></strong></div><div align="justify"><strong><span style="color:#ff99ff;">Magic Moment: Scoring 5 in the final victory.</span></strong></div><div align="justify"><strong><span style="color:#ff99ff;">Not-so-magic Moment: Missing a penalty by passing it straight to the goalkeeper.</span></strong></div><div align="justify"><strong><span style="color:#ff99ff;">Grade: B</span></strong></div><div align="justify"><strong></strong> </div><div align="justify"><strong>Ricadisco: The Zebras' Horatius often stood alone against the odds, routinely defying the opposition with a series of miraculous saves, most of which involved him diving to his right and hoping for the best.</strong></div><div align="justify"><strong>A modest and heroic goalkeeper, Ricadisco never criticised his teammates for their shit defending or held a grudge against Paildo for causing his finger to be broken on account of his carthorse-like touch. At least 98 percent of the goals he let in were either the fault of his defenders or were scored by Bexfieto or Freemisco.</strong></div><div align="justify"><strong>He produced a magnificent performance to limit Barnfield to 21 goals in a game where everything fell apart and Freemisco and Bexfieto seemed more concerned wth shouting at each other than tackling.</strong></div><div align="justify"><strong>Magic Moment: Too many to mention.</strong></div><div align="justify"><strong>Not-so-magic Moment: Kicking a backpass through his own legs into the goal in admittedly treacherously snowy conditions.</strong></div><div align="justify"><strong>Grade: B+</strong></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6045493971236473419.post-77127252509973656622010-02-08T06:43:00.000-08:002010-02-08T06:49:10.511-08:00Double Whammy<div align="justify">The Zebras closed out the season with a pair of victories that left them in fifth place in the final table.</div><div align="justify">An 8-0 thanks to a walkover victory - this was a tribute to the Special One refusing to play two games and after a season in which he has often been criticised he deserves all the credit for this victory - and a stirring fightback against the Galacticos made it a night to remember for the Zebras.</div><div align="justify">In truth it looked like it would be a typically unmemorable night. After playing some nice football and taking an early lead the Zebras contrived to allow an opposing striker to score a hat trick in less than 60 seconds as Freemisco and Latinaldo were lit up like Christmas trees at the back.</div><div align="justify">The Zebras continued to battle the odds but the game seemed all up when they fell 9-7 behind with seven minutes left as Paildo cunningly spread his legs at a free kick to allow an easy goal, one that did not do much for Ricadisco's sense of humour.</div><div align="justify">However, the Zebras stormed back. Austisco and Reito were in fine form, Latinaldo scored a stunner and Freemisco ran around in circles, tackling everything that moved and finally threatening to disappear up his own backside. The result was a burst of six goals in seven minutes to lift the Zebras to a 13-10 win and bring the curtain down on a solid season.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6045493971236473419.post-72696214207868043512010-01-26T19:44:00.001-08:002010-01-26T19:53:32.433-08:004-4<div align="justify">The Zebras earned a 4-4 draw (and another moral victory) as they produced a heroic performance against La Galacticos.</div><div align="justify">Despite some spoon-footed shooting from the likes of Freemisco (not so much a banana shot as a banana boot), Latinaldo and Bexfieto, the Zebras fought back from 3-1 and 4-3 down to earn a deserved draw.</div><div align="justify">Paildo produced his best ever performance for the Zebras as he took on opponents and tackled as though his life depended on it, giving a fine impersonation of a ginger Kevin Nicholls with his enthusiasm and commitment.</div><div align="justify">Bexfieto proved that age is no barrier as he ran around to good effect, marshalling the back line and scoring just one own goal.</div><div align="justify">Latinaldo drilled home two goals and on another night would have scored a hat trick. Indeed, Latinaldo spent most of the second half searching in vain for his third, often spurning the chance to pass to better placed colleagues in his quest for glory. However, it was a fine display from Latinaldo who shrugged off his various ailments and moved about like a sprightly Heather Mills.</div><div align="justify">Freemisco tackled hard, shot high and wide early and often, gave the ball away frequnetly with an awful display of passing before salvaging a point at the death when he lashed home from an accute angle.</div><div align="justify">Reito had a quite game, failing to find the net but hitting the post with monotonous regularity. He ended the game in a trance after taking the ball in the face as it rebounded out after a miraculous save from Ricadisco.</div><div align="justify">Ricadisco was in majestic form. He produced a series of fine saves to repel the Galacticos in the early stages after they had been played in by Freemisco. In the second half he made some more fine stops, including one gravity-defying leap to stop the ball going in just when it seemed as if he might score an own goal with his nose. In short he was brilliant - even when given no chance by Bexfieto wildly slashing the ball into his own net - and was the main reason for the Zebras securing a point.</div><div align="justify"><em>(Seriously, who writes this shit?)</em></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6045493971236473419.post-1002294643634488432010-01-19T19:37:00.000-08:002010-01-19T19:48:35.850-08:00Arse<div align="justify">A depleted and weary Zebras team slid to a 13-7 loss against more youthful opponents.</div><div align="justify">Bexfieto's craven decision not to play left a gaping hole in the ranks and with Paildo, Austisco and Tattersao otherwise engaged, Freemisco was forced to call up Lito at the last moment to give the Zebras the bare bones of a five-man team.</div><div align="justify">Freemisco sprung a surprise in pushing Ricadisco into a forward role and giving Latinaldo the gloves. </div><div align="justify">This did not look to be working very well as the Zebras quickly fell behind 6-1 with Latinaldo failing to get close to anything that came his way (possibly because he kept diving the wrong way) and Ricadisco executing one or two nice flicks but generally lumbering around like a blind donkey. </div><div align="justify">A brief rally cut the gap to 6-3 at the break, including a sublime goal from Ricadisco who drilled the ball into the top corner from a tight angle for the best finish seen by a Zebra player this year. It was a quality strike by a quality player - albeit a slow, blind player - and illustrated that the man known as the Silver Bullet can still produce the goods.</div><div align="justify">Latinaldo and Ricadisco swapped roles in the second half as Ricadisco's lungs threatened to punch their way through his ribs in protest. Reito hit his third goal of the night to make it 6-4 and Latinaldo quickly set up a goal with a sweeping free kick - sadly he swept it straight to the opposition striker.</div><div align="justify">Reito made it 7-5 before Freemisco hit the post and then the Zebras were finally swamped by the constant substitutions by their opponents. Lito performed heroically in defence, making some crucial tackles and coming close to getting sent off for a couple of desperate tackles as he battled to turn back the tide.</div><div align="justify">Latinaldo drove home a fine long range effort but a late flurry of goals made it 13-7 as energy levels dipped and the valaint Zebras' rearguard were overrun.</div><div align="justify">At the end there was no doubt that the villain of the piece was the absent Bexfieto - a player who has not been seen since he gave away loads of goals with his crap defending in the last game before Christmas.</div><div align="justify">Of further concern for the Zebras is that El Spoonfoot, Freemisco, has mustered fewer goals in 2010 than Ricadisco.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6045493971236473419.post-65433385575471818912010-01-13T17:20:00.001-08:002010-01-13T17:20:51.156-08:00Victory<div align="justify">Apparently the Zebras won 8-0 without even taking the field in the week after Christmas.</div><div align="justify">Hurrah.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6045493971236473419.post-37633184497537209492010-01-13T17:14:00.001-08:002010-01-13T17:19:04.815-08:00Oh... We Lost Another One?<div align="justify">The Zebras renewed their aquaintances with Amigos and duly lost for the fourth time in four meetings.</div><div align="justify">Positivies were few and far between for the Zebras once they had fallen behind to an early goal, Ricadisco's first touch coming when he was required to pick the ball out of the net after about 17 seconds.</div><div align="justify">Freemisco put in his most impressive tackling performance of the... well, ever, actually and Austisco scored a couple of fine goals and also set up another with a brilliant piece of control and touch passing. Unfortunately he set this goal up at the wrong end.</div><div align="justify">Latinaldo hurt various parts of his ageing body while Paildo struggled to make an impact in his lone striker role. Freemisco also failed to score despite being presented with a number of relatively easy chances.</div><div align="justify">Reito returned to the side and played his customary part up front while Ricadisco made a number of smart saves diving to his right while giving his standard impersonation of a statue when the ball headed towards the left hand corner.</div><div align="justify">All in all it's fair to say the Zebras have had better days.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6045493971236473419.post-30987106699282693502010-01-13T16:40:00.000-08:002010-01-13T17:13:34.049-08:00The Ginger Nightmare<div align="center"><strong><em>Once upon a time</em></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><em>Not so long ago</em></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><em></em></strong></div><div align="center"><span style="font-size:0;"><strong><em></em></strong></span></div><div align="center"><strong><em></em></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><em></em></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><em></em></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><em></em></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><em><span style="color:#cc33cc;">Paildo's got some holes in his socks</span></em></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><em><span style="color:#cc33cc;">He muffed another strike</span></em></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><em><span style="color:#cc33cc;">He's down on his luck... it's tough, so tough</span></em></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><em><span style="color:#cc33cc;">The Zebras don't want him to play</span></em></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><em><span style="color:#cc33cc;">He's bad on the ball, he's got feet of clay</span></em></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><em><span style="color:#cc33cc;">They've all had enough... enough</span></em></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><em></em></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><em></em></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><em></em></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><em></em></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><em></em></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><em>They say we can't hold on to what we've got</em></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><em>Cause it doesn't make a difference</em></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><em>If the goal's open or not</em></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><em>Paildo's shooting is a load of old rot</em></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><em>It's rot - Paildo should be shot</em></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><em></em></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><em></em></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><em></em></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><em></em></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><em></em></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><em><span style="color:#cc33cc;">Whooah, he's got ginger hair</span></em></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><em><span style="color:#cc33cc;">Whooah, he's a football nightmare</span></em></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><em><span style="color:#cc33cc;">Give him a chance and he'll blaze wide I swear</span></em></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><em><span style="color:#cc33cc;">Whooah, the ginger nightmare</span></em></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><em></em></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><em></em></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><em></em></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><em></em></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><em></em></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><em>Paildo's got the touch of a rock</em></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><em>He missed another chance</em></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><em>He's down on his luck... it's tough, so tough</em></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><em>The Zebras want him sent on his way</em></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><em>He was awful last night</em></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><em>How he missed that chance... no way... no way</em></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><em></em></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><em></em></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><em></em></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><em></em></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><em></em></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><em><span style="color:#cc33cc;">We can't hold on to what we got</span></em></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><em><span style="color:#cc33cc;">Cause it doesn't make a difference </span></em></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><em><span style="color:#cc33cc;">If the goal's open or not</span></em></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><em><span style="color:#cc33cc;">Paildo couldn't piss in a pot</span></em></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><em><span style="color:#cc33cc;">Pisspot - Paildo's pisspot</span></em></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><em></em></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><em></em></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><em></em></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><em></em></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><em></em></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><em>Whooah, he's got ginger hair</em></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><em>Whooah, he's a football nightmare</em></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><em>Set him up and he'll slice it I swear</em></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><em>Whooah, the ginger nightmare</em></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><em></em></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><em></em></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><em></em></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><em></em></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><em></em></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><em><span style="color:#cc33cc;">He's had his chances but missed the lot</span></em></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><em><span style="color:#cc33cc;">He broke the corner flag with a wayward shot</span></em></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><em></em></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><em></em></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><em></em></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><em></em></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><em></em></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><em>Whooah, he's got ginger hair</em></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><em>Whooah, he's having a mare</em></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><em>One on one and he'll miss and won't care</em></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><em>Whooah, the ginger nightmare</em></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><em></em></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><em></em></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><em></em></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><em></em></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><em></em></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><em><span style="color:#cc33cc;">The ginger nightmare!</span></em></strong></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6045493971236473419.post-11538140493053687242010-01-06T06:53:00.000-08:002010-01-06T07:16:00.995-08:00Snow Joke.<div align="justify">The Zebras snow-ploughed their way to another defeat as they lost 11-7 in conditions that could charitably be described as ridiculous.</div><div align="justify">A combination of the Special One's natural incompetence and bad luck left the Zebras with just five players after Bexfieto opted out at the last moment and Reito was trapped in Leighton Buzzard. Needless to say it was all Freemisco's fault.</div><div align="justify">The Zebras did not start well and despite some good saves by Ricadisco they quickly found themselves 2-0 down.</div><div align="justify">Heavy snow was making it difficult to locate the ball and maintain footing and players were soon sliding all over the place.</div><div align="justify">Freemisco pulled one back before Ricadisco, apparently suffering from snow blindness, basically contrived to blast a slow-moving shot into his own net.</div><div align="justify">A moment of high farce arrived when neither Paildo, Ricadisco or the opposition striker could find the ball in the middle of the pitch. Fortunately the light from Paildo's flaming ginger hair provided him with the opportunity to locate the ball and hack it to safety.</div><div align="justify">Paildo's ginger hair shone like a belisha beacon of hope in the arctic conditions as the Zebras humped the ball forward for him to lose control and give possession back to the other team.</div><div align="justify">Latinaldo pulled a goal back before Freemisco had an emotional moment.</div><div align="justify">Freemisco was reduced to tears by the cold and claimed he could not go on without gloves, clearly dreading that never again would he be able to hold the love of his life in his arms once the frost bite had kicked in. Fortunately the manly Latinaldo took decisive action, giving Freemisco his own gloves and calling him a cunt.</div><div align="justify">Austisco drove home the equaliser and the Zebras were surprised to find themselves level at 3-3 at halftime, although not as surprised as their opponents who spent the break squabbling among themselves in a petulant manner reminiscent of Freemisco on the cricket pitch.</div><div align="justify">The Zebras went 4-3 down when Ricadisco was beaten from long range by a shot he did not see but the plucky Zebras continued to trade blows, pulling level again at 4-4. It was 5-4 moments later as the Zebras midfield parted as Freemisco bent down to tie his lace up (plimsolls don't come with velcro) and despite a double save from Ricadisco the ball ended up in the net. However, Austisco fired home to make it 5-5 and hope and parity were restored.</div><div align="justify">The game turned on two controversial incidents. The Crazy Gang took a 6-5 lead after scoring a goal from deep inside the area that should have been disallowed. However, it was controversially given.</div><div align="justify">Moments later Ricadisco pulled off a marvellous save but unfortunately Freemisco, disorientated by the snow and waddling about like Captain Oates on his last legs, ploughed into the area like Santa going down the wrong chimney and blasted the ball into his own net for his first own goal of the year (and about his eighth of the season).</div><div align="justify">The Zebras fell further adrift but they kept fighting to the end, closing the gap to 11-7 at the final whistle. Freemisco and Austisco both scored three - Freemisco rolled another shot inches wide of his own goal - and honour was satisfied at the end of the game, a game that ended with Ricadisco narrowly failing to save a slow-rolling shot from distance.</div><div align="justify">Another defeat but another moral victory for the Special One's team on a night when the snow fell, the temperature plummeted and the Zebras proved they can lose in any conditions.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6045493971236473419.post-90490975990165175342010-01-04T11:40:00.000-08:002010-01-04T11:46:35.378-08:00Return Of The Ginger Pele<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlSWzzIdEWODdk845P8P6S3k5woHfSYGAw2f4u16caWeym1Q7CBu4TLO38mcCfBZKffb9MkHahYP6OlKsHmcjgehb-QkhPP4VJD6q-hTK-ATDqMx64nJ3lda0JQiBxrA_sRwPe48vqbIk/s1600-h/GingerKid-1.jpg"><img style="MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 400px; FLOAT: left; HEIGHT: 400px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5422971988691931666" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlSWzzIdEWODdk845P8P6S3k5woHfSYGAw2f4u16caWeym1Q7CBu4TLO38mcCfBZKffb9MkHahYP6OlKsHmcjgehb-QkhPP4VJD6q-hTK-ATDqMx64nJ3lda0JQiBxrA_sRwPe48vqbIk/s400/GingerKid-1.jpg" /></a><br /><br /><div align="justify">Love is in the air for <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-error">Freemisco</span>.</div><div align="justify">The Special One is currently full of goodwill and kindness for his fellow man and has extended an olive branch to <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-error">Paildo</span>.</div><div align="justify">It looked as if <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_2" class="blsp-spelling-error">Paildo</span> had played his last game as a Zebra after bungling a routine clearance and setting up an opposition striker with the chance to break <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_3" class="blsp-spelling-error">Ricadisco's</span> finger.</div><div align="justify">However, <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_4" class="blsp-spelling-error">Freemisco</span> has decided to bring back the Ginger Pele, a move that will increase the Zebras' options off the bench, although not necessarily a move that will improve their prospects of victory.</div><div align="justify">This exclusive picture shows the Ginger Pele raising a glass of refreshing orange juice to celebrate his recall.</div><div align="justify">Welcome back, <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_5" class="blsp-spelling-error">Paildo</span>!</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6045493971236473419.post-58614857747269567712010-01-03T13:37:00.001-08:002010-01-03T13:44:57.652-08:00The New Midfield General<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmnjn0mr_ix1PhXuuc8R3FoY1LM7aXrWTWWkw7TOa65FYTASmpf3pa1IxGM_ISiyuBBGj4fwHn97F5WyNx5bmV6QxNU0jHC-skT0jU3a3Fbhyphenhyphenr2xacTf6i85lJxTej8jF23JbsQysYlNA/s1600-h/DSC00401.JPG"><img style="MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 300px; FLOAT: left; HEIGHT: 400px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5422631237825775506" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmnjn0mr_ix1PhXuuc8R3FoY1LM7aXrWTWWkw7TOa65FYTASmpf3pa1IxGM_ISiyuBBGj4fwHn97F5WyNx5bmV6QxNU0jHC-skT0jU3a3Fbhyphenhyphenr2xacTf6i85lJxTej8jF23JbsQysYlNA/s400/DSC00401.JPG" /></a><br /><br /><div align="justify">The Special One is considering sweeping changes as the Zebras prepare to return to action.</div><div align="justify">After insisting on choosing just six players for each previous squad, the wondrous <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-error">Freemisco</span> is rumoured to have decided to select seven players for the next game.</div><div align="justify">He is reportedly considering <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-error">Latinaldo</span> for a new role.</div><div align="justify">The Zebras have struggled to find a player to make an impact in the midfield.</div><div align="justify">At least a positive impact - <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_2" class="blsp-spelling-error">Freemisco</span> himself has used his ample frame to try and fill the void but has invariably only succeeded in blasting the ball into his own net, setting up the opposition with precision passes and generally lumbering around to no great effect.</div><div align="justify">Therefore <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_3" class="blsp-spelling-error">Latinaldo</span> is now being lined up to fill the role of midfield general. </div><div align="justify">This is a big promotion for a player who has previously spent time at the back and, on <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_4" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">occasion</span>, <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_5" class="blsp-spelling-error">gormlessly</span> wandering around as a striker, apparently only pushed up front to disguise <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_6" class="blsp-spelling-error">Freemisco's</span> own shortcomings or because the only alternative was the Ginger Pele, <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_7" class="blsp-spelling-error">Paildo</span>.</div><div align="justify"><span id="SPELLING_ERROR_8" class="blsp-spelling-error">Latinaldo</span> was so pleased with the news that he is being promoted to midfield general that he rushed out and bought the uniform.</div><div align="justify">Unfortunately he didn't quite understand what <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_9" class="blsp-spelling-error">Freemisco</span> was driving at...</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6045493971236473419.post-74643312778138148192009-12-16T05:27:00.000-08:002009-12-16T05:52:41.169-08:00Christmas Comes Early But Zebras Storm Home<div align="justify">Bexfieto played the role of Santa Claus to perfection, scoring two own goals and setting up two more for the Multiple Scoregasms, but the Sunburnt Zebras proved unstoppable in front of goal as they stormed to a 17-9 victory.</div><div align="justify">The Zebras took charge early in the piece on a freezing cold night. With Latinaldo joining former Zebra Paildo at a chav pop concert, Bexfieto, Tattersao, Freemisco and Reito did enough to build a 3-0 lead.</div><div align="justify">Things were briefly allowed to slip when Austisco replaced Reito. Austisco ran around like a ballet dancer with a wasp in his tights, contribtuing to the opposition's opening goal as he failed to make an impact. Poor defending by Bexfieto culminated in him deflecting the ball past Ricadisco but the Zebras hit back to take a commanding 8-4 lead into halftime.</div><div align="justify">The goals continued to come in the second half as all the Zebras found the net, Bexfieto displaying far more poise going forward than defending. He gifted another goal to the opposition when he allowed himself to be turned inside out like an erotic dancer with her pole and also prodded another own goal past the disgruntled Ricadisco which made you wonder if he had been taking lessons from Freemisco.</div><div align="justify">All in all it was a good night for the Zebras as they found their shooting boots - Freemisco's shooting plimsolls brought him a numebr of goals but also conceded a number of free kicks as he routinely leaned back to shoot in the manner of a Subbuteo corner kicker - while Tattersao banged in a number of goals.</div><div align="justify">It was also a good night for the opposition as they enjoyed their early presents from Bexfieto.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6045493971236473419.post-26473964395675097442009-12-09T07:50:00.000-08:002009-12-09T08:12:54.783-08:00Is A 12-3 Loss A Moral Victory?<div align="justify">Following last week's unfortunate 21-2 defeat against Barnfield, the Zebras were less than thrilled to discover that they were facing the same opponents.</div><div align="justify">This was another piece of brilliance from the tournament organisers and did not go down well with Zebra management or players.</div><div align="justify">The Special One, Freemisco, briefly threatened to refuse to play while Bexfieto actually stormed out of the building after discovering the identity of the opposition.</div><div align="justify">To be fair to Bexfieto, much of his anger was directed at Freemisco who had cunningly picked a five-man squad.</div><div align="justify">With Reito and Tattersao relaxing on a beach somewhere, and Paildo exiled forever, Freemisco recalled Vanhoino and Brodhiinosa. Unfortunately both bailed out at a late stage (excuses ranged from iffy to poor) which meant it was impossible for Freemisco to call up replacements.</div><div align="justify">Consequently an indignant Bexfieto found himself lining up alongside Freemisco, Latinaldo, Austisco and Ricadisco.</div><div align="justify">Not for the first time things did not begin well as the Zebras argued among themselves over tactics. The portly Freemisco insisted that he should stay at the back to marshal the defence, despite the fact that he floats around with all the speed and verve of a leaking air ship.</div><div align="justify">Eventually he was forced to push forward with Latinaldo and Bexfieto holding the line. This worked so well that Barnfield hit the post before the Zebras touched the ball.</div><div align="justify">Chances began to come for Barnfield and it was no real surprise when they broke Ricadisco's gallant resistance to open the scoring. Despite Bexfieto's best attempts to waste time and hold on to the ball, a lack of fitness and skill began to tell as Austisco and Freemisco were unable to saty with their runners. The result was a 4-0 lead and the very real prospect of the Zebras being blanked.</div><div align="justify">However, the Zebras got the goal they deserved when Freemisco found the back of the net. He was so pleased with this effort that he promptly unleashed a free kick which sailed over head height, thus conceding another free kick and setting up a quick counter attack which would have ended in disaster but for a combination of brilliant goalkeeping and crap finishing. Nevertheless the Zebras trailed 5-1 at the break, an improvement on 10-1 from the previous week.</div><div align="justify">Sadly the second half did not begin well. Bexfieto spat the dummy, raging at Freemisco that, "You're fucking shit! Don't fucking tell me how to play football!"</div><div align="justify">That led to a disastrous burst of three goals in two minutes, Freemisco setting up one goal with a beautiful pass that begged to be slammed into the net, as he threatened to stop trying because his father-figure, the ageing Bexfieto, had shouted at him.</div><div align="justify">Surprisingly the Zebras rallied. Austisco used conciliatory language to get the team back on track (as befits a man of Brazilian and Swiss heritage) and Freemisco cut the gap to 10-2.</div><div align="justify">Austisco missed a sitter but was rewarded with a penalty. He took the kick himself but produced a lame shot, worthy of a lame child (or a Wolves player) which was easily saved, but the kick was ordered to be retaken. Freemisco stepped up to ram the ball home to complete his hat-trick and the Zebras had life at 10-3.</div><div align="justify">Not much life.</div><div align="justify">The midfield was overrun in the closing stages as Freemisco decided that he'd done his bit. Latinaldo and Bexfieto produced some tough tackles but were swamped by attackers and only some sensational goalkeeping kept the score down to 12-3.</div><div align="justify">However, it represented a triumph for the Zebras as they conceded nine fewer goals and bagged one more than last week; if they can maintain this rate of improvement they should beat Barnfield the next time they play them; which knowing the brilliant organsiational skills at Stopsley should be next week.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6045493971236473419.post-22628701203740074742009-12-02T07:30:00.000-08:002009-12-02T07:43:47.447-08:00Freemisco Shoots! Freemisco Scores! Another Bloody Own Goal!<div align="justify">For the fourth time in five games, <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-error">Freemisco</span> sent an unstoppable shot crashing past his own goalkeeper.</div><div align="justify">Whereas the other three goals had simply added to the scale of defeat, this one proved <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">crucial</span> as it gave Amigos a 6-5 lead with minutes to play, thereby ruining a heroic effort from the Sunburned Zebras.</div><div align="justify">Following hard on the heels of their slightly disappointing 21-2 defeat earlier in the <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_2" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">evening</span>, the Zebras produced a masterful display to take a 1-0 lead at halftime against the strongly fancied Amigos who had won all three previous meetings between the teams.</div><div align="justify"><span id="SPELLING_ERROR_3" class="blsp-spelling-error">Reito's</span> goal separated the teams at the break after a half that saw some outstanding defensive play from <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_4" class="blsp-spelling-error">Bexfieto</span> and <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_5" class="blsp-spelling-error">Latinaldo</span> (<span id="SPELLING_ERROR_6" class="blsp-spelling-error">Freemisco</span> was parked on the bench for a good portion of the half) and some fine saves from <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_7" class="blsp-spelling-error">Ricadisco</span>. <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_8" class="blsp-spelling-error">Tattersao</span> played heroically up front as he roamed and rambled around like a short, fat, white <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_9" class="blsp-spelling-error">Drogba</span> and the only real controversy came when <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_10" class="blsp-spelling-error">Freemisco</span> walked into the way of a softly thrown football and had to be spoken to by the referee after complaining.</div><div align="justify">The Zebras hopes of a famous victory started to collapse after the break. <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_11" class="blsp-spelling-error">Freemisco</span> conceded a free kick that led to the equaliser before he went down in the corner, crumpling in a heap, evidently the victim of a Floyd <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_12" class="blsp-spelling-error">Mayweather</span> pile driver. The referee waved play on and the Zebras found themselves 2-1 down. Moments later it was 4-1 as <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_13" class="blsp-spelling-error">Freemisco</span> once again displayed his <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_14" class="blsp-spelling-error">concinetious</span> objections to defending.</div><div align="justify">However, the Zebras stormed back. <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_15" class="blsp-spelling-error">Latinaldo</span> curled home a glorious shot as his intended cross-filed pass was caught by the wind and blown into the bottom corner. <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_16" class="blsp-spelling-error">Tattersao</span> made it 4-3 and then <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_17" class="blsp-spelling-error">Freemisco</span> found the speck of gold that lay inside the sack of shite that was his performance on the night to make it 4-4 with a thunderous effort.</div><div align="justify">Even after the Amigos made it 5-4 <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_18" class="blsp-spelling-error">Bexfieto</span> stormed through the defence to equalise and then missed a glorious chance to make it 6-5.</div><div align="justify">And then disaster struck.</div><div align="justify"><span id="SPELLING_ERROR_19" class="blsp-spelling-error">Freemsico</span>, for once breaking the habit of a lifetime by tracking back and trying to mark his man, stretched for a cross. In his own mind he was trying to be crafty, hoping to play a quick one-two with his own goal post before setting off up field on a barnstorming run. </div><div align="justify">Unfortunately <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_20" class="blsp-spelling-error">Freemisco</span> proved to be about as crafty as a retard who has been expelled from Crafty School for being utterly <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_21" class="blsp-spelling-error">un</span>-crafty. </div><div align="justify">He reached for the ball and lashed a shot past <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_22" class="blsp-spelling-error">Ricadisco</span>, sending the ball into the bottom corner of the net, to condemn the Zebras to another defeat.</div><div align="justify">To be fair you win as a team and lose as a team but sometimes - and last night was certainly one of those times - you lose because you have <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_23" class="blsp-spelling-error">Freemisco</span> in your team.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6045493971236473419.post-54550739309324149462009-12-02T07:19:00.001-08:002009-12-02T07:28:07.285-08:0021 Fucking 2<div align="justify">The <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">Sunburned</span> Zebras enjoyed a torrid evening as they dropped a heart-breaking 21-2 loss to <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-error">Barnfield</span>.</div><div align="justify">On a freezing cold night, the Zebras' six-man squad was exposed by the elements and a younger, swifter, more talented opposition.</div><div align="justify">Following the announcement that <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_2" class="blsp-spelling-error">Paildo</span> had been given a free transfer and apparently played his last game in the famous pink and black stripes, <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_3" class="blsp-spelling-error">Freemisco</span> named his customary six-man squad. <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_4" class="blsp-spelling-error">Bexfieto</span> briefly threatened to walk out in protest but eventually stayed to play his part.</div><div align="justify">In many ways the game was all about <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_5" class="blsp-spelling-error">Freemisco</span>.</div><div align="justify">Not only did he get his tactics and squad selection wrong (as usual) he also produced the worst performance ever seen by a Zebra player.</div><div align="justify">Quite simply he was abject, routinely giving the ball away, failing to make regulations tackles or track his man, allowing opponents to waltz through the midfield area he claimed to be protecting and generally proving about as effective as a chocolate teapot. The only time he got a shot on target all game was when he intercepted an aimless <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_6" class="blsp-spelling-error">cross-field</span> pass and blasted it into his own net.</div><div align="justify">In truth it was not a great performance as <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_7" class="blsp-spelling-error">Barnfield</span> hit the post twice and <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_8" class="blsp-spelling-error">Ricadisco</span> made four fine saves before the floodgates opened.</div><div align="justify"><span id="SPELLING_ERROR_9" class="blsp-spelling-error">Reito</span> and <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_10" class="blsp-spelling-error">Tattersao</span> both scored good goals to avoid the ignominy of a shut out but with <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_11" class="blsp-spelling-error">Freemisco</span> encouraging the opposition to score at will as he delivered a fine impersonation of a pink and black lettuce, it was no surprise that the Zebras were overrun.</div><div align="justify"><span id="SPELLING_ERROR_12" class="blsp-spelling-error">Ricadisco</span> performed heroics in goal, turning away numerous goal bound shots and for once failing to dive over any soft shots or let the ball roll through his legs. It mattered not that he was beaten 21 times as he still turned in a man of the match performance, although in the greater scheme of things the man who played the key role in <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_13" class="blsp-spelling-error">Barnfield</span> racking up 21 goals was, of course, <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_14" class="blsp-spelling-error">Freemisco</span>.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6045493971236473419.post-80830215288602090402009-11-25T07:10:00.000-08:002009-11-25T07:30:22.744-08:00Freemisco Wears Black Plimsolls<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsB4zUzbnKe_Z4TyrDeXI9BlTap6CqhmGz_6f4V6qBkdCIRzeY6xsmpuOargAngnc27utia0D7vTvltLyk7fXS6SSQHl12y4fHfIKhGAuHPmMiSRP_m_7t_5smjbSH__1qeBKwDYPIzQY/s1600/Plimsolls.jpg"><img style="MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 250px; FLOAT: left; HEIGHT: 250px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5408063026781527922" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsB4zUzbnKe_Z4TyrDeXI9BlTap6CqhmGz_6f4V6qBkdCIRzeY6xsmpuOargAngnc27utia0D7vTvltLyk7fXS6SSQHl12y4fHfIKhGAuHPmMiSRP_m_7t_5smjbSH__1qeBKwDYPIzQY/s400/Plimsolls.jpg" /></a> <div align="justify">The <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-error">Sunburnt</span> Zebras stormed into second place in the league with a thrilling win as they overcame 11 members of the opposition, the elements and a referee with even less idea than usual.</div><div align="justify"><span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-error">Freemisco</span> made a number of changes. <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_2" class="blsp-spelling-error">Latinaldo</span> was axed to allow him to watch Liverpool start their assault on Europa League glory and <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_3" class="blsp-spelling-error">Paildo</span> was left out as part of the squad rotation and because he had originally intended to go to Mansfield, not because he had had a shocker the previous week. <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_4" class="blsp-spelling-error">Ricadisco</span> returned in goal in place of <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_5" class="blsp-spelling-error">Latinaldo</span> after recovering from injury.</div><div align="justify">In their place came the ancient <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_6" class="blsp-spelling-error">Bexfieto</span>, a sprightly 42-year old sweeper with good positional sense and no legs or lungs, and the combative <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_7" class="blsp-spelling-error">Brodiinhosa</span>.</div><div align="justify">The Zebras started with their strongest ever five-man line-up, <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_8" class="blsp-spelling-error">Ricadisco</span>, <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_9" class="blsp-spelling-error">Freemisco</span>, <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_10" class="blsp-spelling-error">Reito</span>, <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_11" class="blsp-spelling-error">Tattersao</span> and <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_12" class="blsp-spelling-error">Brodiinhosa</span>.</div><div align="justify">They promptly went 1-0 down thanks to the obligatory deflected goal.</div><div align="justify">However, after that the ball was <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_13" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">changed</span> and the Zebras played their younger, fitter, more numerous opponents off the pa<span id="SPELLING_ERROR_14" class="blsp-spelling-error">rk</span>.</div><div align="justify">The Zebras pulled back on level terms but were then slightly bemused when <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_15" class="blsp-spelling-error">Luton</span> Irish made four substitutions in one go, despite the fact that the league only allows eight men in a squad.</div><div align="justify">(Needless to say the Special One does not agree with eight-,an squads and continues to insist on six-man rotations.)</div><div align="justify">The Zebras gradually took control, opening up a 6-4 lead despite <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_16" class="blsp-spelling-error">Ricadisco</span> allowing a slow moving cross-cum-shot to roll through his legs and <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_17" class="blsp-spelling-error">Reito</span> blazing over when it seemed easier to score. They should also have been awarded a penalty but a blatant handball was missed by the referee. <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_18" class="blsp-spelling-error">Bexfieto</span>, resplendent in Colin Keeley autograph boots, also gave away a free kick when attempting a shot on goal as the ball sailed into orbit.</div><div align="justify"><span id="SPELLING_ERROR_19" class="blsp-spelling-error">Luton</span> Irish rallied in the closing moments of the half and subjected the Zebras goal to a fearsome assault and should have scored at least three or four goals. However, <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_20" class="blsp-spelling-error">Ricadisco</span> enjoyed a rare purple patch and was outstanding, turning away the barrage of goal-bound shots, as the Zebras took a 6-5 lead into the break.</div><div align="justify">The second half was a triumphant procession. <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_21" class="blsp-spelling-error">Tattersao</span> scored a wondrous goal from wide on the left and <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_22" class="blsp-spelling-error">Freemisco</span> sliced one into the bottom corner of the net after he failed to control it properly and it bounced off the edge of his plimsoll. To be fair it was a fine goal and <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_23" class="blsp-spelling-error">Freemisco</span> will be only too happy to tell anyone who cares to listen about it. He will also be happy to tell anyone prepared to listen that he does not wear plimsolls.</div><div align="justify">The desperate opposition tried to counter by taking free kicks to themselves (which the referee allowed), kicking and hacking (which the referee allowed) and making multiple illegal substitutions (guess what, the referee allowed them as well).</div><div align="justify">It didn't mattered as <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_24" class="blsp-spelling-error">Brodiinhosa</span> <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_25" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">marshaled</span> the back line and <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_26" class="blsp-spelling-error">Reito</span> and <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_27" class="blsp-spelling-error">Tattersao</span> passed and moved to good effect while <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_28" class="blsp-spelling-error">Freemisco</span> sought to bathe in the glory and adulation of his sliced <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_29" class="blsp-spelling-error">wundergoal</span>.</div><div align="justify">Ultimately the Zebras won 10-8 (though this does not accurately reflect the referee's problems with complex sums) and bagged another three points to move into second place.</div><div align="justify">God knows how, mind you.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6045493971236473419.post-30674834495617685832009-11-25T07:02:00.000-08:002009-11-25T14:32:11.776-08:00Random Thoughts On Two Defeats....<div align="justify">Losing 21-6 is one thing; losing 21-6 having only been adrift 7-3 at the break is something else, especially when the goalkeeper is comfortably the best player on the pitch during the second half.</div><div align="justify">Freemisco's tactics in that dreadful second half were totally and utterly wank; at one point it appeared as though the Zebras were employing a flat back four and attempting to play the opposition offside.</div><div align="justify">Basically it was a bit crap, not least when Freemisco blasted one into his own net.</div><div align="justify">For once there was no chance of blaming the loss on the referee because the Zebras were truly awful.</div><div align="justify">The 15-6 loss wasn't too impressive either (although this was later turned into a win by default on account of the opposition failing to turn up).</div><div align="justify">Paildo produced perhaps the worst performance by a Zebra not named Freemisco, setting up the opening goal for the opposition and then being involved in Ricadisco's injury that forced the goalkeeper to go off with wrecked fingers. Freemisco blasted another one into his own net.</div><div align="justify">Latinaldo took over and let in a lot of goals with bad positional sense and by refusing to dive and earned the scorn and ire of his manager.</div><div align="justify">No one played well.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6045493971236473419.post-31917037851074963622009-11-05T06:32:00.000-08:002009-11-05T06:46:18.018-08:00The Referee's A Wanker<div align="justify">The <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-error">Sunburnt</span> Zebras kicked off their new league season with an epic victory against the odds, overcoming Jack <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-error">FC</span> 11-10 with a late goal from <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_2" class="blsp-spelling-error">Tattersao</span>.</div><div align="justify">It was a fitting reward for the Zebras who were forced to play against six men for the entire first half due to a refereeing display of breathtaking incompetence that was too biased even to be regarded as cheating. Put kindly, the referee was a blind, clueless, incompetent twat.</div><div align="justify">After the referee delayed the start of the match by 20 minutes because he needed to have a cup of coffee, the Zebras started strongly, surging into a 2-0 lead after good play from <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_3" class="blsp-spelling-error">Freemisco</span>, <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_4" class="blsp-spelling-error">Latinaldo</span>, <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_5" class="blsp-spelling-error">Reito</span> and <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_6" class="blsp-spelling-error">Tattersao</span>. With the skillful <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_7" class="blsp-spelling-error">Vanhoino</span> omitted again in favour of the more hard-working flame-haired <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_8" class="blsp-spelling-error">Paildo</span> (despite <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_9" class="blsp-spelling-error">Paildo's</span> request to be dropped), the Zebras continued to impress.</div><div align="justify">Although their opponents gradually fought back the Zebras remained on top. The Zebras were denied a blatant penalty by Referee Twat before <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_10" class="blsp-spelling-error">Reito</span> missed the opportunity to make it 5-2. The Zebras stretched their lead to 6-4 before <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_11" class="blsp-spelling-error">Tattersao</span> was sent to the sin bin for questioning another shit decision.</div><div align="justify">The Zebras briefly lost their composure as <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_12" class="blsp-spelling-error">Freemisco</span> threatened to have a tantrum before blasting the ball out of play and it was 6-5 at the break, with <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_13" class="blsp-spelling-error">Tattersao</span> facing another 90 seconds in the sin bin.</div><div align="justify"><span id="SPELLING_ERROR_14" class="blsp-spelling-error">Latinaldo</span> took charge at the start of the second half, resolving to keep possession until the Zebras were back to full strength. Unfortunately he was bundled off the ball from the restart and the score was levelled at 6-6 within about 6.3 seconds of the game getting underway again.</div><div align="justify">With <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_15" class="blsp-spelling-error">Tattersao</span> detained at Referee Twat's convenience and pleasure for nearer six minutes than the prescribed three, the Zebras fell behind 7-6. <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_16" class="blsp-spelling-error">Freemsico</span> petulantly slammed a free kick into an opponent's arse and the rebound fell kindly for a Jack striker.</div><div align="justify">The Zebras hit back to make it 8-8 before <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_17" class="blsp-spelling-error">Ricadisco</span> was beaten by a vicious swerving shot that appeared to deflect off a divot and just beat his desperate dive (<span id="SPELLING_ERROR_18" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">OK</span>, it was a really, really shit piece of goalkeeping). </div><div align="justify">However, the refreshed <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_19" class="blsp-spelling-error">Tattersao</span> was in inspirational form and the Zebras took a 10-9 lead before Jack equalised with a couple of minutes remaining. With the next goal looking to prove decisive both teams had chances to win. <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_20" class="blsp-spelling-error">Ricadisco</span> atoned for his earlier error with three surprisingly good saves (good by any standard but simply exceptional for a blind man who relies on the force as much as his eyesight) before <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_21" class="blsp-spelling-error">Reito</span> and <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_22" class="blsp-spelling-error">Tattersao</span> combined for the crucial goal.</div><div align="justify">Despite the referee playing extra time to allow Jack to search for an equaliser and <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_23" class="blsp-spelling-error">Freemisco</span> failing to grasp the concept of time-wasting, the Zebras held on to start their new campaign with a victory on a night when five - and sometimes four - was better than six.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6045493971236473419.post-42106479500292824652009-10-28T10:58:00.001-07:002009-10-28T11:24:16.418-07:00Very Special<div align="justify">The Special One led his team to victory against the Multiple Scoregasms with one of the finest individual performances ever seen on a football pitch.</div><div align="justify">He towered over his teammates and opponents like a behemoth, a tyrannosaurus rex among lesser dinosaurs (or a bunch of old fossils).</div><div align="justify">Freemisco was in a frisky mood from this outset - a mood that may have been the result of warming up for the game by indulging in a game of touch rugby with Paildo with both players apparently wearing nothing more than their boxer shorts. Regardless, Freemisco was full of beans and eager to get to grips with the opposition.</div><div align="justify">Unfortunately he missed the start of the match after getting lost on his way to the toilet and played no part in the Zebras going down 2-0 in the early moments. The Zebras were utterly lost without their inspirational leader and didn't know what to do without the tactical genius on hand to call the shots.</div><div align="justify">A sublime pass from Paildo set up a third goal for the opposition but by this time Freemisco was on the pitch and running the show. He single-handedly orchestrated the comeback from 4-1 down to make it 4-4 at halftime.</div><div align="justify">This was Freemisco's finest hour. Despite his exhausting bout in his boxer shorts prior to kickoff, Freemisco delivered a Trojan-like performance, running up and down the pitch with lung-bursting endeavour.</div><div align="justify">The Special One slammed in four goals, bending in a free kick, bursting the net from long range and adding two more as he produced his best performance of the season. Furthermore Freemisco only served up one goal on a platter for the opposition as he kept his errant passes to a minimum and managed to avoid the gormless errors that have plagued him all season.</div><div align="justify">In contrast Paildo seemed to be suffering from the effects of his pre-match workout and was pretty dreadful, repeatedly displaying the touch of a rapist. His white boots may have sparkled beneath the floodlights but his first touch was reminiscent of Peter Sutcliffe let loose on a football pitch.</div><div align="justify">Reito also bagged a hat trick and Latinaldo scored twice while Austisco added the remaining goal. Ricadisco pulled off a number of stunning saves but none of the players could be compared to Freemisco. They were merely bit-part players alongside the legendary Special One.</div><div align="justify">This was Freemisco's time to shine, his day in the sun, the day where he atoned for five weeks of utterly wank performances with one redeeming heroic effort. </div><div align="justify">Well played, Freemsico.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6045493971236473419.post-91223741774391608142009-10-20T17:03:00.000-07:002009-10-20T17:10:43.305-07:00Same Shit, Different Day<div align="justify">The lights went out on the Sunburned Zebras as they crashed to another defeat on a night defined by betrayal.</div><div align="justify">The Special One had already been basely betrayed by <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-error">Paildo</span> and <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-error">Latinaldo</span> - both of whom preferred to watch football rather than stand alongside their comrades - before <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_2" class="blsp-spelling-error">Vanhoino's</span> body betrayed him and the <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_3" class="blsp-spelling-error">playmaker's</span> knee buckled beneath him and he had to be helped to the sidelines.</div><div align="justify">The Zebras played some fine football, <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_4" class="blsp-spelling-error">Vanhoino</span> slamming in a couple of early goals, <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_5" class="blsp-spelling-error">Paginho</span> scoring a cracker and <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_6" class="blsp-spelling-error">Freemisco</span> himself scoring with a twice-taken penalty. <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_7" class="blsp-spelling-error">Reito</span> gave everything for the cause and <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_8" class="blsp-spelling-error">Ricadisco</span> made some tremendous saves, including blocking one point blank effort with his testicles, a save that left his eyes watering.</div><div align="justify">Ultimately it was to no avail. <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_9" class="blsp-spelling-error">Freemisco's</span> patented impression of a traffic cop betrayed the team again as he allowed strikers to run through on goal unmolested. <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_10" class="blsp-spelling-error">Freemisco</span> set the tone with the opening goal as he stood statue-like as the striker crashed the ball home to cancel out a short-lived Zebra lead.</div><div align="justify"><span id="SPELLING_ERROR_11" class="blsp-spelling-error">Wimo</span> unleashed the worst shot in the history of football, blazing 25 feet over form the edge of the box. The referee was typically useless and biased against the Zebras, making some curious decisions that hardly helped the cause.</div><div align="justify">All in all, not an especially good day out.</div><div align="justify"> </div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6045493971236473419.post-3946520722863101352009-10-19T14:31:00.001-07:002009-10-19T14:37:31.735-07:00Children Are The Future<div align="justify">The Special One faces a crisis ahead of the Zebras latest game with players dropping by the wayside.</div><div align="justify">Paildo has pulled out again to watch non-league football and Latinaldo has turned his back on the sqaud after the Special One refused to drive him to Milton Keynes on Sunday morning. Two-sport star Austisco is also unavailable.</div><div align="justify">Consequently the Special One has put his faith in youth and selected two of the youngest members of the squad for the match, Wimo and Paginho, spurning the claims of the ageing Bexfieto who had been hoping for a recall.</div><div align="justify"><strong><em><span style="color:#ff99ff;">Ricadisco</span></em></strong></div><div align="justify"><strong><em>Freemisco</em></strong></div><div align="justify"><strong><em><span style="color:#ff99ff;">Wimo</span></em></strong></div><div align="justify"><strong><em>Paginho</em></strong></div><div align="justify"><strong><em><span style="color:#ff99ff;">Vanhoino</span></em></strong></div><div align="justify"><strong><em>Reito</em></strong></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6045493971236473419.post-6292425473731727822009-10-15T03:46:00.001-07:002009-10-15T04:06:10.821-07:00Heartache<div align="justify">The Special One paid a heavy price for falling out with star man <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-error">Paildo</span> hours before kickoff as the Zebras crashed to a <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">heartbreaking</span> last minute loss to Sporting Lesbian.</div><div align="justify"><span id="SPELLING_ERROR_2" class="blsp-spelling-error">Paildo</span> pulled out at the eleventh hour, rumoured to be unhappy about the manner in which the Special One had persistently run around their shared living <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_3" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">accommodation</span> lifting plates above his head in triumph while shouting, "I've won the Community Shield!"</div><div align="justify"><span id="SPELLING_ERROR_4" class="blsp-spelling-error">Paildo's</span> absence meant that the Zebras were forced to play with just six men. Therefore it was particularly ironic that <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_5" class="blsp-spelling-error">Freemisco</span> - who had already given away five of the first six goals with the combination of his rapist's touch and lack of positional awareness - was culpable for the winning goal in the dying seconds. </div><div align="justify"><span id="SPELLING_ERROR_6" class="blsp-spelling-error">Freemisco's</span> fading fitness meant he was unable to react to <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_7" class="blsp-spelling-error">Ricadisco's</span> perfectly weighted throw. With <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_8" class="blsp-spelling-error">Freemisco</span> labouring towards the ball like a mortally wounded <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_9" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">woolly</span> mammoth, the Lesbian striker pounced, nipping into steal the ball before unleashing a lethal strike that rocketed into the corner of the net to make it 7-6 with seconds remaining.</div><div align="justify">There was no way back.</div><div align="justify">Despite the result the Zebras produced a gallant performance. There were heroes everywhere as the Zebras battled back from 5-3 and 6-5 down to stand on the verge of gaining a well deserved point. </div><div align="justify"><span id="SPELLING_ERROR_10" class="blsp-spelling-error">Vanhoino</span> had a fine game (apart from when he set up an opposition goal with a pass so bad that <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_11" class="blsp-spelling-error">Freemisco</span> would have been ashamed), <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_12" class="blsp-spelling-error">Austisco</span> scored with a cracking shot, <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_13" class="blsp-spelling-error">Latinaldo</span> ran around to great effect and gave his knees and lungs for the cause, <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_14" class="blsp-spelling-error">Ricadisco</span> pulled off save after save, <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_15" class="blsp-spelling-error">Reito</span> was inspired and even <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_16" class="blsp-spelling-error">Freemisco</span> had a couple of nice touches.</div><div align="justify"><span id="SPELLING_ERROR_17" class="blsp-spelling-error">Freemisco</span> scored one fine goal, albeit a strike that could not quite balance out his myriad errors. He also made a couple of interceptions and did a nice job of carrying the ball from side to side without making any real progress, bossing his own third of the pitch like a slow moving crab. </div><div align="justify">In fact this may have been <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_18" class="blsp-spelling-error">Freemisco's</span> best game of the season, scoring one, making one and only giving away five. Even then he had an excuse ready as he gift-wrapped a perfect scoring chance to his opponent, like one of Santa's little elves handing over a present. <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_19" class="blsp-spelling-error">Freemisco</span> blamed his latest blunder on <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_20" class="blsp-spelling-error">Ricadisco</span> because the goalkeeper had shouted at him and put him off...</div><div align="justify">If only he could pass a ball like he passes the buck.</div><div align="justify">Still, it's a team game and the Zebras win as a team and lose as a team so this is the time to stick together, show solidarity with one another and not place the blame on any one individual. Remember, there is no 'i' in team. But. as <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_21" class="blsp-spelling-error">Freemisco</span> knows only too well, there is a 'div' in individual!</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6045493971236473419.post-17574056027002925322009-10-12T17:41:00.000-07:002009-10-12T17:56:08.403-07:00Two In A Row?<div align="justify">The Special One has announced a seven-man squad to take on Sporting Lesbian FC. The manager is promising to play sexy football - apparently his team have been given a license to roam - as the Sunburned Zebras look to make it two wins in a row.</div><div align="justify">It's rare for a couple of the Zebras to be officially given a license. According to Latinaldo both Freemisco and Paildo obtained their licenses unofficially by stumping up the necessary wherewithal and handing over an envelope full of cash to a local forger in exchange for the documents that let them loose on the roads.</div><div align="justify">Freemisco has reacted angrily to criticism of his performances in the first three games. This is a good sign as it would be very disappointing if he was happy with the form he has shown thus far. Indeed, if he were happy with the level of his performances to date it would mean that he is a very average player, one more capable of creating goal-scoring opportunities for the opposition than for his own team. </div><div align="justify">Freemisco's ability to split his own defence open with a catastrophic pass and persistent negligence in picking up his man has directly resulted in 27% of the goals (approximately) that the Zebras have conceded thus far.</div><div align="justify">Freemisco has promised that he will play with the verve and touch of a young Zinedine Zidane - presumably this means that he will be looking to headbutt an opponent at the earliest opportunity. </div><div align="justify">In the unlikely event that Freemisco is able to live up to his extravagant claim that he is the new Zidane, the Zebras will surely storm to victory and give the Lesbians a licking.</div><div align="justify"><strong><em><span style="color:#ff99ff;">Ricadisco</span></em></strong></div><div align="justify"><strong><em>Latinaldo</em></strong></div><div align="justify"><strong><em><span style="color:#ff99ff;">Paildo</span></em></strong></div><div align="justify"><strong><em>Austisco</em></strong></div><div align="justify"><strong><em><span style="color:#ff99ff;">Freemisco</span></em></strong></div><div align="justify"><strong><em>Reito</em></strong></div><div align="justify"><strong><em><span style="color:#ff99ff;">Vanhoino</span></em></strong></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6045493971236473419.post-20868585092601298162009-10-11T08:47:00.001-07:002009-10-11T08:57:43.806-07:0015-2<div align="justify">It was a triumph for player power as the Sunburned Zebras ignored their manager's negative tactics and cast off the shackles to produce a <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">scintillating</span> performance.</div><div align="justify">After being held in check for so long by the Special One's gormless faith in zonal marking and defensive approach to the beautiful game, the Zebras poured forward against their opponents, unleashing wave after wave of attacks on the Multiple Scoregasm goal.</div><div align="justify">The result was a 15-2 triumph for the five players - Ricadisco, Latinaldo, Paildo, Reito and Vanhoino. Freemisco also played a part but it was largely restricted to giving away the second goal by his refusal to track back and mark his man. He did score a penalty but by that stage the hard work and flowing football of his teammates had done the damage.</div><div align="justify">There were heroes everywhere - especially at the start when Freemisco was left to watch proceedings unfold from the sideline.</div><div align="justify">Paildo produced some glorious touches in his shining white boots, footwear that lit up the Stopsley night far more effectively than the floodlights. </div><div align="justify">Latinaldo was superb, covering every balde of plastic as he ran around tirelessly in circles like the love child of Heather Mills and Jamies Carragher, eventually threatening to vanish up his own backside.</div><div align="justify">Reito was nerveless in front of goal, taking advantage of a number of opportunites that came his way and beating the keeper with clinical ease.</div><div align="justify">Vanhoino excelled after missing an early penalty - a miss that brought loud condemnation from his own manager. Vanhoino grew in stature as the game progressed, threading killer passes through to Reito and taking on the keeper when the opportunity allowed. He also did a fine job at the back, covering runners and marshalling the back line until Freemisco betrayed him with his wanton lack of effort.</div><div align="justify">Despite Freemisco's casual approach to defending he was frequently bailed out by a stunning display in goal from Ricadisco. The goalkeeper kept a clean sheet in the first half as the Zebras built an 8-0 lead and was only beaten due to a dubious piece of refereeing and Freemisco's dawdling defending.</div><div align="justify">Ultimately a triumph for the players - apart from Freemisco who seemed to be hobbling around due to his new boots and still has yet to contribute much in a positive sense to any onfield performance. There's always next week....</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6045493971236473419.post-23918217664809974412009-10-05T19:15:00.000-07:002009-10-05T19:23:47.004-07:00Third Time Lucky?<div align="justify">The Special One has named a seven-man squad for the Sunburned Zebras third fixture as they look to break their duck and record their opening win of the season.</div><div align="justify">Vanhoino and Latinaldo have been recalled while Paildo makes his first appearance of the season after patching up his differences with the Special One following the promise of a starting berth. Wimo, Paginho and Austisco all make way as the Special One shuffles his pack - or moves the deck chairs on the Titanic.</div><div align="justify">Paildo will apparently be sporting new white boots while Freemisco will be wearing new orange and black footwear. </div><div align="justify">This is a crucial game for Freemisco because after blaming his rotten performance in the first game on his long sleeved shirt and then holding his boots accountable for his shambolic effort in the second match, he is out of excuses. Simply put, if Freemisco plays shit this time it's probably because he is shit.</div><div align="justify">Interestingly Freemisco has decided that he and Tattersao will start on the sidelines and then come on as impact players. Apparently there's no truth to the rumour that Freemisco is starting on the bench simply to provide himself with an excuse should the Zebras make it three losses in a row.</div><div align="justify"><span style="color:#ff99ff;"><em>Ricadisco</em></span></div><div align="justify"><em>Paildo</em></div><div align="justify"><span style="color:#ff99ff;"><em>Latinaldo</em></span></div><div align="justify"><em>Reito</em></div><div align="justify"><span style="color:#ff99ff;"><em>Vanhoino</em></span></div><div align="justify"><em>Tattersao</em></div><div align="justify"><span style="color:#ff99ff;"><em>Freemisco</em></span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6045493971236473419.post-29675145794864075952009-10-03T03:25:00.001-07:002009-10-03T03:28:35.400-07:00Magic Touch<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPURKjeGFTZm0OiLEzbwc1XJLrI9wIzhYSOU6iThxaeu1LMKhI9iXN2R39gjKYZX2o-R8Ha1nWlze-yTdnipnSp2Ryf37Rk6sEQN4T0vRatlVe4jIjvniFEGAJoNsOuBMK6vYq1KH5x_M/s1600-h/Cone.jpg"><img style="MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 280px; FLOAT: left; HEIGHT: 280px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5388318028233855410" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPURKjeGFTZm0OiLEzbwc1XJLrI9wIzhYSOU6iThxaeu1LMKhI9iXN2R39gjKYZX2o-R8Ha1nWlze-yTdnipnSp2Ryf37Rk6sEQN4T0vRatlVe4jIjvniFEGAJoNsOuBMK6vYq1KH5x_M/s400/Cone.jpg" /></a><br /><br /><div align="justify">An overwhelming 56% of voters have ruled that Freemisco's touch is worse than that of a traffic cone. The traffic cone bagged 39% while the remaining 5% of pollsters felt that an elephant in steel-capped boots had the worst control.</div><div align="justify">This is obviously good news for orange rubber cones everywhere although as yet there is no word as to whether or not Freemisco will omit himself from the starting line-up in favour of Coneiro (pictured).</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0