Very Special

The Special One led his team to victory against the Multiple Scoregasms with one of the finest individual performances ever seen on a football pitch.

He towered over his teammates and opponents like a behemoth, a tyrannosaurus rex among lesser dinosaurs (or a bunch of old fossils).

Freemisco was in a frisky mood from this outset - a mood that may have been the result of warming up for the game by indulging in a game of touch rugby with Paildo with both players apparently wearing nothing more than their boxer shorts. Regardless, Freemisco was full of beans and eager to get to grips with the opposition.

Unfortunately he missed the start of the match after getting lost on his way to the toilet and played no part in the Zebras going down 2-0 in the early moments. The Zebras were utterly lost without their inspirational leader and didn't know what to do without the tactical genius on hand to call the shots.

A sublime pass from Paildo set up a third goal for the opposition but by this time Freemisco was on the pitch and running the show. He single-handedly orchestrated the comeback from 4-1 down to make it 4-4 at halftime.

This was Freemisco's finest hour. Despite his exhausting bout in his boxer shorts prior to kickoff, Freemisco delivered a Trojan-like performance, running up and down the pitch with lung-bursting endeavour.

The Special One slammed in four goals, bending in a free kick, bursting the net from long range and adding two more as he produced his best performance of the season. Furthermore Freemisco only served up one goal on a platter for the opposition as he kept his errant passes to a minimum and managed to avoid the gormless errors that have plagued him all season.

In contrast Paildo seemed to be suffering from the effects of his pre-match workout and was pretty dreadful, repeatedly displaying the touch of a rapist. His white boots may have sparkled beneath the floodlights but his first touch was reminiscent of Peter Sutcliffe let loose on a football pitch.

Reito also bagged a hat trick and Latinaldo scored twice while Austisco added the remaining goal. Ricadisco pulled off a number of stunning saves but none of the players could be compared to Freemisco. They were merely bit-part players alongside the legendary Special One.

This was Freemisco's time to shine, his day in the sun, the day where he atoned for five weeks of utterly wank performances with one redeeming heroic effort.

Well played, Freemsico.