Monday, 8 February 2010

Report - Could Do Better.....

Freemisco: An ever-present in the team, Freemisco enjoyed some fine moments, setting up a number of goals for the opposition with some precise passes and also burying a number of goals in the back of his own net.
He recovered from a poor start to win a number of important tackles over the closing weeks of the season and after misplacing his shooting boots for a number of games, he bounced back with a bang in the season finale. Despite that he scored a lot fewer goals than he should have done and was often rubbish in front of goal.
The player manager used some curious tactics - at one point he appeared to be trying to play off side - and often used his players in their wrong positions but overall his willingness to pay the money, wash the kit, drive the coach ensured that he retains his job for another year.
Magic Moment: Last-gasp equaliser in 4-4 draw.
Not-so-magic Moment: Breaking a 6-6 deadlock by driving the crucial goal into his own net and claiming he was trying to be cunning. Cunning stunt....
Grade: C+
Paildo: It was a tough season for the Man who would be Pele, as he struggled to make an impression. He did not help his cause by regularly making himself unavailable to go and watch Luton Town. Luton Town made themselves unpopular by not playing every Tuesday night and thereby allowing Paildo to make himself avialable.
The breaks did not go for Paildo - even though he caused Ricadisco's finger to be broken due to his lack of touch - and he struggled to find the net on a regular basis. Actually he struggled to find the net at all and failed to score in 2010.
However, he always did his best - even when he was being criticised by Freemisco for not trying - and produced a storming performance in the 4-4 draw.
Magic Moment: Losing the ball in the snow.
Not-so-magic-moment: The inch perfect back pass that set up the opening goal for the opposition. Breaking Ricadisco' sfinger - but not badly enough that he couldn't type....
Grade: D++
Latinaldo: Gave everything for the cause, routinely sacrificing his body in a forlorn bid to stem the tide. Apart from a couple of brief appearances in goal where he dived out of the way at every opportunity, evidently protecting his hands like a petrified schoolgirl, Latinaldo enjoyed a storming season on the pitch.
He scored some fine long-range efforts and might have had a hat trick on one occasion had greed not got the better of him.
His real value was at the back where he made plenty of goal-saving tackles, roaring into the challenge like his favourite player Gary Neville. Despite his dodgy knees, aching back and myriad other ailments and injuries, he rarely gave less than his all for the cause, even when he found himself exposed at the back and lit up like a Christmas tree.
Magic Moment: Firing home from the halfway line.
Not-so-magic Moment: Making Freemisco cry by not lending him hid gloves.
Grade: B
Tattersao: Generally rose above the wreckage and showed signs that he could actually play the game - in other words he betrayed his teammates by exposing their incompetence.
Magic Moment: More than most.
Not-so-magic Moment: Signing for another team. Judas.
Grade: B+
Bexfieto: The Own Goal Scorer in Chief was a menace whenever he found himself on the ball. Over the course of the season Bexfieto managed to deflect, nudge, curl and slice more balls into his own net than any single striker managed. Considering he often failed to turn up this was a fine achievement. He was even more of a liability in defence than Frank Sinclair - Frank Spencer was nearer the mark.
Bexfieto would often beat two players and then concede a free kick by launching a speculative shot on goal that soared high and wide. He would then shout at himself. This was funny. Although not quite as funny as when he shouted at Freemisco.
Magic Moment: Storming out after discovering we were playing Barnfield.
Not-so-magic Moment: Scoring two own goals and gifting at least three more in his role of Santa Claus in the pre-xmas win.
Grade: D
Reito: No player in history has hit the post more times. Reito seemed to specialise in bouncing the ball off the frame of the goal rather than hitting the net. Despite that he enjoyed a strong season and regularly scored the goals that helped the Zebras avoid total humiliation.
Magic Moment: Hitting the post four times in one match.
Not-so-magic Moment: Sacrificing his record of always turning up on account of snow.
Grade: B+
Austisco: On his day he showed why he once had a trial in Manchester (probably for impersonating a striker). Austisco regularly stormed through on goal and shot straight at the keeper. He also performed some nice tricks at the back, occasionally gifting the ball to the opposition and always accepting the blame. He did his best to calm Bexfieto at critical moments. Overall he did a fine job for the Zebras - when he wasn't busy cementing his place as one of England's premier fives players - and invariably enhance his value to the team by always offering to buy the drinks.
Magic Moment: Scoring 5 in the final victory.
Not-so-magic Moment: Missing a penalty by passing it straight to the goalkeeper.
Grade: B
Ricadisco: The Zebras' Horatius often stood alone against the odds, routinely defying the opposition with a series of miraculous saves, most of which involved him diving to his right and hoping for the best.
A modest and heroic goalkeeper, Ricadisco never criticised his teammates for their shit defending or held a grudge against Paildo for causing his finger to be broken on account of his carthorse-like touch. At least 98 percent of the goals he let in were either the fault of his defenders or were scored by Bexfieto or Freemisco.
He produced a magnificent performance to limit Barnfield to 21 goals in a game where everything fell apart and Freemisco and Bexfieto seemed more concerned wth shouting at each other than tackling.
Magic Moment: Too many to mention.
Not-so-magic Moment: Kicking a backpass through his own legs into the goal in admittedly treacherously snowy conditions.
Grade: B+

Double Whammy

The Zebras closed out the season with a pair of victories that left them in fifth place in the final table.
An 8-0 thanks to a walkover victory - this was a tribute to the Special One refusing to play two games and after a season in which he has often been criticised he deserves all the credit for this victory - and a stirring fightback against the Galacticos made it a night to remember for the Zebras.
In truth it looked like it would be a typically unmemorable night. After playing some nice football and taking an early lead the Zebras contrived to allow an opposing striker to score a hat trick in less than 60 seconds as Freemisco and Latinaldo were lit up like Christmas trees at the back.
The Zebras continued to battle the odds but the game seemed all up when they fell 9-7 behind with seven minutes left as Paildo cunningly spread his legs at a free kick to allow an easy goal, one that did not do much for Ricadisco's sense of humour.
However, the Zebras stormed back. Austisco and Reito were in fine form, Latinaldo scored a stunner and Freemisco ran around in circles, tackling everything that moved and finally threatening to disappear up his own backside. The result was a burst of six goals in seven minutes to lift the Zebras to a 13-10 win and bring the curtain down on a solid season.