The Special One

The Sunburned Zebras' dreams of glory hinge on the motivational skills of Matthew Freeman.

Freeman has already proclaimed himself as The Special One, a proclamation that few would necessarily endorse with a great deal of enthusiasm.

After all, Freeman is the man who last year responded to being sent off dissent by further abusing the referee until he relented and allowed him to remain on the pitch.

This season Freeman will see his man-management skills put to the test.

He has already shown himself to be a ruthless coach. Despite Freeman's closeness and long-standing affection for his surrogate father, Steve Bexfield, Freeman has shown no qualms in terminating Bexfield's football career.

Bexfield (Bexfieto) may have salvaged Freeman's cricketing career on numerous occasions but the Special One simply decided that at nearly 42 Bexfieto was too old to handle the rigours of football and accordingly axed him with no hint of remorse, the most savage case of son turning against father since Luke Skywalker chopped off Dath Vader's hand.

Cliff Large is another to have fallen by the wayside as Freeman opts for a more youthful approach. Large (Clildo) has been made surplus to requirements, although with customary tact and diplomacy the Special One hasn't actually told him.

Ageing midfield dynamo Colin Keeley (Keelaldo) has also reached the end of the road while tough-tackling midfielder and dead-ball specialist Brodiinhosa has been omitted from the squad while Chaaldo has also no chance of featuring in the Special One's plans.

The Special One is also adamant that he will be dictating tactics on the pitch. Overruling all objections regarding formation and squad size from the more experienced players in his squad, the Special One has decreed his Zebras will play a rigid zonal 1-2-1 formation.

Consequently expect the midfield to be overrun on regular occasions and a collapse of morale at the back as strikers pour forward unchallenged to shoot on goal.

Still, presumably everything will come right on the night.

After all Matthew Freeman is calling the shots and no one can possibly deny that he is certainly special!